Autocosmology

With Indian blood running through my veins, I emerged from a little red dot on this planet, a small country named Singapore. My first eight years of Being, were that of immense discomfort and melancholy. Although I was a child, and innocence tried its best to dance around my field, I still somehow felt misplaced... “The nail that sticks out, shall be hammered down” they say. So as I was continuously trying to escape the hammer, I couldn’t help but question: What is wrong with me?
Splash Paint “?” on Canvas -
Play Saxophone Abmaj7 → B7

In 2004, my family plunged into deep tragedy; with no money to further support my education, my extended family in Japan decided to adopt me. And so, it was not until I found myself in a place where the commonality of language, culture, and custom were stripped away, that I began to feel a sense of aliveness. At the age of eight, I boarded the plane from Singapore to Japan, all on my own. As I took this Giant Step into independence, I asked myself: Where is home?
Play Saxophone Emaj7 → G7 → Cmaj7

My first year at Minooka elementary school was a challenging one. Being the only foreigner in a school filled with Japanese children who did not speak a word of English, put me right in the center of what I have now come to fully understand as the Unknown. Now, connecting the dots backwards, I realize that my earlier days of darkness were rooted in the notion that I was unable to embrace my Beginner’s Mind. Living in Japan, I couldn’t resist embodying this question: Am I an alien?
Play Saxophone F#-7 → B7

“Okaasan, Eigo Wasuretayo!” I told my visiting mother. 3 years into Japanese school, and I had forgotten how to speak English. The Japanese life embraced me so deeply, that my Beginner’s Mind was no longer a victim to memory. And so, with a sense of loss, I began to question my cultural identity: Am I Japanese?
Play Saxophone Emaj7 → G7

As I was developing into a curious teenager, my grandfather, Bapuji, was manifesting all my questions into reality. He battled with Alzheimer’s for 10 years, and I witnessed his beautiful mind slowly dissolve into emptiness. Somehow, I found myself in a similar situation to the time when I first entered into the Japanese elementary school. Language, memory and perception were distorted, and Bapuji and I no longer communicated through conventional means. This ignited a life-long question that I would come to pursue: Can you think without language?
Play Saxophone Cmaj7 → Eb7 → Abmaj7

It’s funny. Well, I guess it’s ironic, really. Bapuji had to lose his mind, in order for me to pursue the mind. His capacity to speak and behave in a dignified way was completely diminishing. Before I knew it, the sharp, classy and elegant man I had looked up to my whole childhood was now an infant. Bapuji was no longer there. Where did his mind go?
Create Line on Canvas with a Palette Knife
Play Saxophone D-7 → G7 → Cmaj7

The perplexity of the mind would keep stirring my consciousness as I took another Giant Step into adulthood. My years at Northeastern University in Boston allowed me to deepen my relationship to curiosity. With 3 majors, and 3 minors I had no idea what I was looking for. But one thing remained constant: the flow of questions. What is it about questions?
Play Saxophone F#-7 → B7 → Emaj7

What is it about questions? Especially questions that come with no answers. Maybe the questions themselves are the answers. In 2016, I found myself returning to my Japanese roots. Sitting in Zazen position at the Zen Center in Vermont, I began to ponder over the idea of the knower, the seeker. Who is Somya? Why does she want to know?
Play Saxophone Bb-7 → Eb7 → Abmaj7

Today, Bapuji is no longer with us. And although this journey seems to be embedded in time, it honestly feels quite timeless. Because really, Bapuji’s essence still resides in every question that I ask about myself and the universe. And my old friend curiosity somehow always manages to put me on a path that is really quite pathless. So I have no choice, but to ask: What is time?
Play Saxophone D-7 → G7 → Cmaj7

San Francisco has my heart. Even though the city has blurred the lines between tragedy and comedy, it has helped me understand the depth and breadth of humanity. Because really, I’m not a Singaporean. Nor do I belong to India, Japan, or America. All I really am is an Earth Woman. So then, I ask: what is freedom?
Play Saxophone Bb-7 → Eb7

And now, as I take yet another Giant Step into this world; the world of rigor and imagination, the realm that embodies this building, I will live life, and let life happen. Pathless, timeless, answerless, it’s okay. I just need to keep living the questions. So tell me, what’s your question?
Play “Giant Steps” by John Coltrane
Sprinkle Gold on Canvas
Epilogue
- Playing the notes in between “Giant Steps” melody
  - Creativity happens in between (two notes)
- Canvas appearing out of nothing
  - Cosmological symbolism
    - Fundamental Force of nature: Gravity
    - Mechanical Waves through Sound
- Can you see and hear an Autocosmology on this canvas?

Psyche & Cosmos